ARGH

I got a letter in the mail yesterday from my life insurance company, telling me I am now ineligible for coverage. I had to fill out a health questionnaire in order to add my son as a beneficiary, and for some reason I decided to be honest. Apparently I'm too fat to provide for my family in case something happens.

I've had life insurance through this company for six years, and only now, when I need to add another person, do they suddenly take an interest in my health. I've stayed around the same weight pretty much the whole time I've been here, but this might be the first time I've filled out one of these questionnaires.

More than anything before, this drives home the simple fact that I need to lose some fucking weight. It was scary when the doctor told me I had given myself diabetes, but I guess I got over that fear. Stress and daily fears of another nature will do that to you. This is a whole new level of terrifying. This is the livelihood of my wife and kids should something happen to me. A safety net has suddenly been pulled out from under them, and if I bring this whole crazy circus act down by getting in an accident or for a health reason, they are the ones that have to take the fall. I can't let that happen.

I WON'T let that happen.