Big Green Whale

Hello from the vastness of the great beyond.

2010-09-23T19:39:00.002-05:00

So, hey. Long time no blog.

Long story short, I lost my job in June, and I don't have a computer at home anymore, so I can't really blog. I'm sure I'll get another computer as soon as we can afford it, which should hopefully be within the next few months, at the latest, and then I may get back into blogging again.

Until then, ta-ta.

My Musical State of Mind (part 1)

2010-05-13T10:13:00.003-05:00

Recently I uncovered an old spindle of mix CDs I made somewhere back in the '01-'03 range, and have been listening to them pretty much nonstop. It's a weird kind of time travel, dredging up a wealth of nostalgia and memories of a period in my life where my chief concerns were video games, anime, manga, depressed binge eating, weed, and electronica. In many ways I miss that life, but I think that's only natural for any parent or grownish person. I also know it's a kind of "grass is greener" thinking, because I remember quite well that I was lonely, depressed, and miserable.

The only way I could ever go back to a life like that would be to leave my wife and kids, which is something I'm obviously not going to do, but I can still enjoy the music. I've been a devoted fan of electronica in general ever since I heard Prodigy's "Breathe" back in '98 or '99, and trance specifically ever since I heard Trance[]Control's "Atomic Dance Explosion" back in '01 or so. I know that most people tend to think of electronica as stupid, cliche beats that people dance to at gay clubs or raves, but somehow for me it hit an emotional nerve. It speaks to me in a way that a lot of other music doesn't.

I decided to write this note to highlight some of my favorite electronica and trance songs, and kind of explain what I like about them.

First up is the song that made me fall in love with electronica in the first place. I can remember the first time I heard this at my best friend Brett's house. For me, the pansy little white-boy nerd, there was something dangerous about this song, even more so than the Metallica and Black Sabbath I had been trying to listen to without my mom noticing (yeah, I lived in the kind of family where Metallica and Black Sabbath was the worst possible thing my mom could conceive of, and was music that nice, Church-going folk didn't listen to).

The Prodigy - Breathe

The Prodigy have a lot of really great music. I think everyone has seen the video to "Smack My Bitch Up" (queue Robot Chicken's M. Night Shyamalan: "What a twist!"), so I won't post that one. But one of their latest singles is just completely fantastic.

The Prodigy - Omen

Atomic Dance Explosion, despite having an incredibly stupid name, is the first trance song I ever heard. It really hooked me, and the more I listened to it, the more I loved it. I used to listen to it on repeat, trying to see if I could count the layered loops, or listen to only one loop the entirely of the song. Today, I understand that it's actually a pretty simple and kind of boring example of trance, but it was a perfect starting point. Ignore the visuals on this video, they are lame. Best version I could find, though.

Trance[]Control - Atomic Dance Explosion

The artist I found next completely changed my perceptions of what electronica and trance could be, and has stayed with me as one of my favorite artists of all time. He had perhaps the most impact on me in terms of why I'm such a huge fan of this whole genre. There is no one quite like Mr. André Tanneberger, better known as ATB. He had a distinct style of guitar imitation in his earlier songs that I really, really liked, and I kept on liking him as he kept on evolving. Here is a sampling of some of his works, going chronologically from his earliest to later tracks. Unfortunately I don't have his newer albums yet so I can't speak for how good they are, as I've kind of shelved my electronica stuff in recent years, mostly because my wife hates it and won't stop making fun of me for it. I'm getting back into it, though, so I'm sure I'll be getting his newer stuff soon.

ATB - Don't Stop!

ATB and The Wild Strawberries - Let You Go

ATB - Repulse (still one of my favorite songs, ever)

ATB - In Love With The DJ

ATB - Long Way Home

ATB - Ecstacy

Okay, that's it for part one. That's...a lot of music. I have a lot more I wanted to share, too. Part two maybe later today or tomorrow depending on my work load and my own inherent laziness.

Ouch

2010-04-29T15:18:00.002-05:00

So apparently I am so out of shape that even doing two sets of sit-ups causes my abs to spasm and contract painfully like a charliehorse for a half hour or so afterwards. Exciting!

In other news, in a week and a half of my newest diet and exercise plan, I've lost enough wait to cause my boxers to literally fall off my ass if they are not secured between my belt and my body. Interesting.

Does this formspring thingy actually work? Does this count as two questions?

2010-04-13T17:47:00.001-05:00

It does work, if I happen to catch the question in my email...whoops on the first question someone asked me. It does work, though, promise!

Ask me anything

Were your children planned or accidents?

2010-04-13T17:46:00.001-05:00

Both of my children were accidents, actually. I wouldn't change a thing now, however.

Ask me anything

formspring.me

2010-04-02T11:32:00.001-05:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/Snath

Ask Me Anything!

2010-03-29T13:39:00.002-05:00

I haven't updated in a while, for which I apologize, but I've been fairly busy.

I decided to follow Vermillion's lead and make one of these Formspring thingies so people can ask questions if they want to. You can be anonymous if you wish, and can ask anything you'd like.

I can't get Facebook to work today or I would post links there too. Stupid Facebook. I'm a'feared that they blocked it at work, but it doesn't make much sense since MySpace and YouTube still work fine. Ho hum.

The Current

2010-03-09T07:56:00.002-06:00

It's no secret that I am a huge fan of The Current, one of the best radio stations in the country. It's public radio, supported by its members, and the playlist is hugely diverse. I recently became a member in the last membership drive they had, only a couple weeks ago. I've been listening to them for four years, so I figured now was probably a good time to make a donation. I couldn't spare much, and it was a one-time gift, but I'm hoping the next time they do a drive I can become a sustaining member and do the year-round thing.

Driving to work this morning really drove home how grateful I am for this station. Here's the musical bounty I was treated to:

Some really great stuff there.

SICK

2010-02-23T09:37:00.002-06:00

So my entire family is/was sick. Crystal had more horrible facial pain in her face last week, resulting in another trip to the hospital. Then we all developed some sort of stomach virus or food poisoning, and various substances were coming out of random orifices, etc. It was a good end of the week/weekend.

Crystal's hospital visit was a nightmare of truly astonishing proportions. The last time we were there, they treated her in the fairest and best way ever. While they tried to get her pain under control, they let her stay in the hospital for a couple days for monitoring, and only when they felt her condition was treated did they let her leave. Last week, the admitting doctor upstairs in the hospital proper told her flat-out that because she had come to the hospital for help with her Vicodin addiction in the past, he would not be giving her any pain meds. Nevermind the fact that downstairs in the E.R., where we had just spent a couple hours, they were giving her morphine and dilaudid to try and control her pain.

Crystal basically imploded. She didn't know what to do. They were telling her that she was going to have to sit there all night and be in pain, while they would treat her with Tylenol and a hot pack. We wouldn't have been in the fucking hospital if the problem could have been treated at home, now would we? The doctor told her that he didn't feel she was really in pain, and implied she was there to score drugs again. We waited down in the E.R. for hours, and Crystal even went through an MRI, one of the scariest things she's ever done (she's claustrophobic and has panic-anxiety..."Okay, now hold perfectly still and don't move for about forty-five minutes while trapped in this tight spinning tube"). If we were really there to score drugs, we would have left HOURS AGO. Not to mention that I wouldn't have taken any part of it. We're not ending up where we were before, thanks.

I was livid, Crystal was devastated...we left, after Crystal made a huge scene in front of all the nurses and patients, at 11:00 at night. Normally I would have been embarrassed by that sort of thing, but I was too angry at that fucking doctor to even care what the rest of the hospital thought. My wife was in horrifying pain and they were refusing to help her because of something she had sought help for before. Fucking ridiculous. She spent the rest of the night in bed, sobbing hysterically and feeling like she was never going to be able to get help again. It was absolutely horrible.

She got help the next day from her primary doctor, which was basically a life-saver. I don't know what we would have done without it. She got her nerve-meds refilled and he gave her a prescription for some pain meds, which worked to get everything under control again. I think in the future she has to make sure she has her nerve meds on hand if she needs them. She didn't get the last prescription filled because the pain had ebbed a bit, and her primary suggested she stop taking them to see what happened. Next time we'll know it comes and goes.

So after all that, this stomach virus completely destroyed us. Evelyn was sick and puking all day, then Crystal got it, and then it passed to me. I threw up so much that I haven't had a voice for two days. It's actually worse today. It's never happened to me before, and I didn't even know throwing up could do that. Was in the stomach acid? Or the retching itself? Or is it something completely coincidental? All I know is it fucking sucks. I'm already worried about being back at work after having missed the end of last week and yesterday. I could be suspended for five days, or perhaps even fired if they're feeling especially vindictive, and now I have no voice to even make calls today. Not exactly feeling like a contributing member of the team, here. I've been here for almost three hours so far and they haven't said anything, but that could always change.

ARGH

2010-02-12T07:56:00.001-06:00

I got a letter in the mail yesterday from my life insurance company, telling me I am now ineligible for coverage. I had to fill out a health questionnaire in order to add my son as a beneficiary, and for some reason I decided to be honest. Apparently I'm too fat to provide for my family in case something happens.

I've had life insurance through this company for six years, and only now, when I need to add another person, do they suddenly take an interest in my health. I've stayed around the same weight pretty much the whole time I've been here, but this might be the first time I've filled out one of these questionnaires.

More than anything before, this drives home the simple fact that I need to lose some fucking weight. It was scary when the doctor told me I had given myself diabetes, but I guess I got over that fear. Stress and daily fears of another nature will do that to you. This is a whole new level of terrifying. This is the livelihood of my wife and kids should something happen to me. A safety net has suddenly been pulled out from under them, and if I bring this whole crazy circus act down by getting in an accident or for a health reason, they are the ones that have to take the fall. I can't let that happen.

I WON'T let that happen.

Too bad, so sad.

2010-02-11T09:04:00.003-06:00

Somehow, in our first couple weeks living at the new apartment, we've managed to piss off the neighbors in all three other apartments. How did we manage this feat? By having our cable set up. As it turns out, one person was paying for cable and letting everyone else splice off of his. We were one of the apartments getting free cable, but we wanted an actual cable box, with a guide and on demand and all that, and we wanted our internet set up.

The first guy that came out to hook up our box made a comment about seeing all the splices when he was down fiddling with the cable, but said he wouldn't report anything. After he was done, however, we were having a lot of problems with the picture and sound cutting out. It happened all the time, and made TV practically unwatchable. So we had another tech come out to inspect, and he said it's because the signal was so weak and disrupted due to the splicing. He also said it was illegal and he'd have to cut the wires. Then, as a kick to the junk for everyone else, he put a lock on it. Dun dun dunnnn.

So because of us wanting quality television, our neighbors are now pissed off at us. The girl right downstairs came up yesterday to talk to Crystal while I was at work, and had an attitude. "Up until yesterday we all had free cable. Do you know what happened to it?" When Crystal told her that the cable guy came and "fixed" everything, she got upset. "I'm not sure if you knew, but everyone here had that free cable. The people that lived here before you had a wireless router so they could get free internet, too." Well I'm sorry, bitch, that I don't have a wireless router. Do you want to buy one for me and set it up? We also didn't know. Our landlord didn't tell us about it (but I'm sure he knew), and none of the neighbors mentioned it to us prior to having it cut off.

I'm feeling absurdly guilty, like we did something wrong, instead of just ordering and paying for TV. It cost us $120 to set all that shit up, now you're going to get an attitude with me because I wanted good TV? Well maybe you should have fucking said something! How were we supposed to know the situation? The guy right across the hall is apparently the one that did all the splicing, he couldn't have popped over and said "Hey just so you guys know we have free cable, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't call anyone so we don't get in trouble." It's ridiculous to be angry with us now. Look, I'm sorry your welfare check doesn't cover your cable bill. Maybe you should stop smoking so much weed and spend it on TV, instead. Also, you're pregnant, so maybe you should just stop smoking weed, period.

I have nothing to be sorry for, yet I feel like I'm in trouble. Maybe it's because now everyone thinks we narced on them.

Be(snow)deviled

2010-02-08T14:37:00.003-06:00

I was over an hour late to work this morning because of the snow. This wouldn't be so bad, if I hadn't left an hour before I had to actually be there. I spent almost two and a half hours in the fucking car, sitting in traffic while some fucking idiots drove too fast and had an accident, and some other fucking idiots slowed traffic so they could watch, leading to a back-up that caused what would normally take me between four and ten minutes to drive to actually take an hour and a half. It was three miles. THREE MILES.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

The best part is that it's been snowing all day today, so I get to leave in a little over an hour and do it ALL OVER AGAIN. I wouldn't bet on me getting home before six.

Banging about in the South Metro

2010-02-04T09:34:00.002-06:00

Things at the new apartment are finally coming together. We bought a new TV and TV stand, a new couch, chair, and ottoman, a new computer, we're coming to grips with the sheer amount of laundry we have, and our cable and internet got hooked up yesterday. It's starting to feel like an actual home, now, and not just a place where we're crashing.

The neighbors across the hall are loud all through the night, the neighbors directly downstairs apparently like to smoke a lot of pot, and the neighbors down and across have a Rottweiler that likes to bark when we do laundry. Our noisy dog and annoying kids fit right in. Awwww.

Glasses

2010-01-28T11:48:00.002-06:00

Despite my profile picture that was part of the Paheeba Day calendars where I am bare-eyed, I wear glasses everyday. I've tried contacts, but I really think I prefer glasses. They just kind of complete my face.

The pair I'm wearing now I've had for almost five years. That's a long time to go without an eye exam or a prescription update. Not to mention that they're falling apart; one arm is literally taped together, then colored over with permanent marker. I'm old school nerdy, I am.

Today, all that changes. My new glasses are finally here! I get to go pick them up after work. I'm so fucking excited, I can't adequately describe it here. They are going to fit my face, I'll be able to see, and I won't look like a total idiot (well, they won't add to my normally idiotic appearance). I think I'm going to try and get a haircut tonight, as well, so tomorrow when I come to work, I'll be all kinds of spiffy.

Sorry, sorry.

2010-01-26T13:23:00.002-06:00

Not counting my last micro-post, it's been way, way too long since I've updated this thing. I had always meant to do it at least three or four times a week, but of course real life happened and I reverted to my normal exhausted lazy self.

So much has happened in the last couple months that it's hard for me to even begin. Living with Crystal's sister Heather and our friend Nikki was cramped and stressful. Right after the eviction things seemed to go okay and I figured we'd probably make it without too much trouble. Then Crystal needed me to stay home more and I made less money than we'd hoped, so our move kept getting pushed back. Even after I started working full-time again, things continued to get worse, to the point where Heather and Nikki did everything they could to not be there when we were. At their own apartment! Apparently, my family is annoying. I can understand, though; I want to escape half the time, too, and it's my own wife and kids.

Part of the reason I was staying home so much was because of Crystal's new "affliction." I put that in quotes because I don't really how else you'd describe it. She has something called trigeminal neuralgia. Feel free to click the link, as Wikipedia can describe it much better than I can. The only thing you really need to know is that it's facial pain that has been described as "The Suicide Disease" because of the intense pain it causes. It was pretty bad for a while, and she even ended up in the hospital for a few days while they attempted to get her pain under control. She's taking medication now called Tegretol that seems to keep everything manageable. She's living pretty normally now, but she'll probably have to take Tegretol for the rest of her life.

So just when things were finally coming to a head at the small, crampy apartment, we finally found our own place. It's one town over from our old apartment, and about the same distance for me to travel to work. The landlord, John, is really nice, and for some reason let us rent even with our eviction. It was the second thing I asked him, right after "Do you take dogs?" We're living in a fourplex, on the top floor, and the other tenants seem pretty nice. It is kind of small, but I think we're just used to how much space we had in the old apartment. Rent is a lot cheaper by comparison, so I can't complain too much. The bathroom sink leaked pretty badly and the fridge didn't work, but John fixed the first and replaced the second, all on our first day there. Evelyn is in her own room, again, while Oliver's crib is in the master bedroom with us. He's spent the last two nights sleeping in it, which is more than he has in the entire ten months of his life. I'd call that progress.

Oliver's ten-month birthday was yesterday, and I'm disappointed to say he's not walking yet. I had made it my goal to get him walking by ten months, simply because it's hilarious to watch such a tiny dude wobble around. Even though he may not be fully mobile yet, he's getting there. I think his record is six steps on his own, before doing a faceplant and then his infamous "rhino charge" crawling to one of us. If we put a horn on his head, he really would look like a rhino. He charges about with his head down, as fast as he can go (which is incredibly fast) not looking at anything but the ground. Surprisingly, he hasn't yet hurt himself badly. I think he gets enough of an idea of what's in front of him before he begins to charge.

That's all the time I have right now, but I'll try to keep the blogging up now that my life has calmed down a lot.

Fuck you, Cub Foods.

2010-01-26T13:06:00.002-06:00

Dear Cub Foods,

All I wanted for lunch was some Cub potato salad. You know, the good, mustardy yellow stuff. Not as good as Radermacher's, but hey, I'm not driving to Waconia or Jordan for some potato salad. But nope, Cub, you had to have "Jerry's Premium Potato Salad" today instead. Or should I say "Mayo and Eggs in a Bowl and Hey Look is that a Potato Oh Nope it's Just Another Egg." I had to add Baconnaise to it just to make it palatable. Thanks for ruining my lunch, Cub. You fucking suck ass.

Fuck you in the eye fondly,

Snath

Worst Christmas Songs

2009-12-17T09:20:00.003-06:00

Crystal has a habit of only listening to holiday music when it's this time of year and we're in the car, so I get subjected to all sorts of jolly tunage.

I love quite a few Christmas songs, especially the classics, and for the most part I'm generally kind of apathetic towards the rest.

There are some songs, however, for which I would pop my own eardrums if it meant not having to listen to them again. I'm sure everyone knows them. Here's my top five worst Christmas songs.

5. "Little Saint Nick" - The Beach Boys
4. "Do They Know It's Christmas?" - Band Aid
3. "Last Christmas" - Wham!
2. "Wonderful Christmastime" - Paul McCartney
1. "The Christmas Shoes" - NewSong

I decided to only do five, but "Happy Christmas (War is Over)" by John Lennon was fighting with the Beach Boys for number five.

Guess What!

2009-12-08T01:06:00.002-06:00

Right now I'm high for the first time in months!

Getting high is starting to become kind of lame, but I'm still happy to indulge in it every once in a while. I used to smoke pot quite often (at least a bowl a day), but I kind of grew out of it when I met my not-yet-then wife. Sometimes it's still nice to go back and just scrub out my brain, especially since I still feel like I need some form of catharsis for all the stress and shit I've had in my life lately.

I took two of Crystal's leftover Vicodin (she's still been taking one or two every couple days; I can't really begrudge them to her since it's from a legitimate prescription she still has) and smoked a bowl of some good weed I've been saving. It's been a fun couple of hours, just watching shitty movies and laughing my ass off. It's getting kind of late, though, and soon it's time for bed.

Oh well, Monday. You finished stronger than you began.

Top 89 of 2009

2009-12-07T16:00:00.006-06:00

This was a fairly hard decision, and I had to leave a LOT of good tracks off the list. In some cases the song I picked is actually indicative of my feelings towards multiple tracks released by a single artist; I just picked the one I thought was my favorite.

I think I could have added ten, twenty, or even thirty more songs, from all sorts of genres and styles. Maybe later I'll do a list of my top fifty or something ambitious like that.

Anyway, here's what I picked, in no certain order:

Lily Allen | The Fear (It's Not Me, It's You)
Solid Gold | Get Over It (Bodies Of Water)
Metric | Gimme Sympathy (Fantasies)
Gossip | Heavy Cross (Music For Men)
Regina Spektor | Laughing With (Far)
Ladyhawke | Magic (Ladyhawke)
Polly Scattergood | Please Don't Touch (Polly Scattergood)
The Decemberists | The Rake's Song (The Hazards Of Love)
Bat For Lashes | Sleep Alone (Two Suns)
Yeah Yeah Yeahs | Zero (It's Blitz!)

Dawwwwww.

2009-12-02T16:44:00.004-06:00

Crystal just emailed me from her new job. It makes me happy to see her working, even if it's only for a couple weeks. Getting a job is going to be the best possible thing for her right now, I think. It's a chance to get out of the house, to use her brain on something productive instead of Maury (you're the fucking father, now fuck off), and to gain back some confidence in her own abilities. She was the administrative assistant to the vice president of IT, and she was the only one that managed to work there for almost five years. She only left the company due to her back pain from the last pregnancy; she just couldn't take sitting up at her desk for eight hours a day any longer.

She's trying to get a job back with this company again, but so far without any luck. We were in a hiring freeze for a long time, but HR recently opened up a few positions in customer service and data entry. She submitted a new application and has called a couple times, but they keep putting her off. I just emailed HR again to ask if they filled all the positions; I'm sure it will be a no-go. I think they are turned off by how much work I've been missing due to her postpartum, and I'm scared they think she would be a risky hire. She's better, honest! Give her a chance! And even if she's not 100%, having a job is going to be what turns everything around for her. I just know it.

Jeezum Crow!

2009-12-02T12:17:00.002-06:00

According to my "dashboard" (I always hated that word, even when referring to one in a car), my last post was October 15th. Shit, wow. It's been a long while. Obviously for those of you who read my Facebook it's been a really stressful and bad time, but that's not really an excuse. What is an excuse is that I wasn't really working and I didn't have internet at the apartment, so I didn't really have a way to update. For a couple weeks, anyway. I've just been lazy the rest of the time, but I think I earned it, dammit!

Things have definitely improved for us in the short-term. My kids are no longer sick with swiney flu/pneumonia/croup/etc, my wife has a full-time job for the next couple weeks, we have a new car, I'm working almost full time again, and we have a place to stay until we can find a new home. That's about a 95% turnaround from this time last month. Christ, that was rough.

The eviction went better than I thought, even though I wouldn't recommend the experience to anyone. I had to go to court, and since I wasn't really familiar with the whole "court thing" and didn't really feel that comfortable talking to the judge about my case in front of a whole court room, I made an agreement with my landlady. We had seven days to come up with what we owed from October, which we wouldn't have been able to do, so that gave us a week to pack and prepare for the move to Heather and Nikki's. We moved most of our stuff to public storage (bloody fucking expensive), sold our giant TV and its stand (which we had received for free when we moved into our apartment...profit!), and crammed ourselves into one room of a two-bedroom apartment. Thanks to the incredible generosity of the Pajibans, we had enough money for public storage, gas for Nikki's dad's truck, and some left over to smooth all the edges of our rough move.

Our car died the last day of our move. According to the family mechanics, a piece of our fucking engine block snapped off. Because the Universe hates us, obviously. After a day or two of panicked freak-outs, my aunt said that she could help us out. She had been meaning to buy a new car for a while, and decided that this was as good a time as any. She gave us her old car, a 2003 Mercury Sable. Silver, 92,000 miles, in pretty good condition. She wants $2,500 for it, with $100.00 payments, starting next November! Once again, the generosity of others managed to save our asses. I swear to Godtopus, the amount of good karma I need to contribute back to the world is ridiculous at this point.

We haven't started looking for a place to live yet, as we don't have the money to even casually apply. My first "real" paycheck will be tomorrow. It isn't quite full, but it's probably going to be three or four times the amount I've made on my last several paychecks. That's a really good feeling. The next paycheck will be even bigger! And now Crystal is bringing in some money too, so I see an end to our current situation not too far down the turnpike.

I can't do an update on the weight loss thing, because I don't know how much I've lost. I don't even know if I'm still in the contest at work, since I haven't been there to get weighed in. I know I've lost weight, I just don't know how much. I figure I'll do the weigh-in next Monday and then have an update for the contest.

Weight Loss Post Week 1

2009-10-15T14:53:00.001-05:00

Here's my weigh-in statistics for this week, the very start of the competition. I'm going to give my height first, though I'll take it out next week, since I don't plan on shrinking or growing during the competition.

Height: 5'10"
Weight: 332
BMI: 47.6

The scale we're using is supposed to calculate body fat percentage as well, but it didn't work for me and for several other people. They suggested that next week we try to dampen our feet to get the scale to read it better.

Next weigh-in is on Monday!

Biggest Loser

2009-10-15T14:24:00.002-05:00

It's been a long time since I've updated, apparently. I wish I could say it was because I've just been having too much fun, but alas, that is not the case.

Crystal is still struggling with her addiction, which frankly I expected. She's doing better than I thought she would, to be honest, but she's still using the pills. I'm out of work quite a bit due to her anxiety and postpartum, so we have very, very little money coming in. I try to work as much as I can, but it's hard when your wife could have a panic attack at any moment and needs you to be there to watch the kids. They still stress her out very quickly and she can't always deal with them by herself.

So we no money coming in, we can't really pay our bills or pay rent. Super! I think we're finally getting evicted this month. We have help through the county, but that only goes so far. It's designed to assist us, not give us a free ride. The apartment hasn't filed the papers on us yet, but I think they are going to do that tomorrow if we can't come up with at least $300.00 to pay them by tonight. Yeah, that's not going to happen. We've run out of people to borrow money from. Why would anyone loan us money if there really isn't any hope of getting it back in the near future?

Crystal is still trying desperately to find a job. We both think that could be the best thing possible for her right now. The county is going to give us child care assistance, so that we can both work full time jobs during the day. That's the only way we're going to get out of the rut we're in, I think. The problem is that no one is hiring in the down economy, or at least no one that she could work for. She has a bad back so she can't do retail or work at a gas station or anything that would have her standing for a full shift. Ironically she got the bad back from years working retail and at gas stations. Har-de-fucking-har.

In less depressing news, Oliver is about to crawl! He's not quite there yet, but he's starting doing one or two 'crawl steps' at a time. I predict he'll be fully mobile by the end of the month. October is apparently a fortuitous month for my children. Evelyn first started walking in October, and now Oliver is going to start crawling. Huzzah! It also happens to be my favorite month and favorite time of year. More reasons to love October are never a bad thing.

I started a Biggest Loser contest at work, to finally try and bust my ass into better shape. I'm one of those fat guys that always has a plan, that always thinks he's going to lose weight "in the near future." Well, I'll be 27 in 18 days, and I've been fat for 20 of those years. I think my plans may not be working. I'm hoping that this contest could actually do it for me, since not only will I be motivated by the competition of trying to crush my coworkers, but there's cash money for the winner. $90 for first place, which is what I have my sights firmly set on. This is my third day in the contest, and I've been to the gym for the past two. I think I can do the same tonight. I've made a promise to myself to go everyday, no exceptions. It's the only way I'm going to win and the only way to keep myself on track.

To coincide with the exercise, I've also started a diet. I don't do well on normal diets, like restricting what I can or can not eat. I'm just too much of a rationalizer and a cheater to be successful. Thus, my new diet has been born:

EAT LESS, YOU FUCKING TWAT.

That's it. No restrictions on carbs, sodium, calories, or whatever. Just simple, stupid math. Eating less of the foods I normally gorge on equals less calories, carbs, sodium, and whatever automatically. Once I get my appetites and cravings under control I can begin to worry about fine-tuning what I shouldn't be eating and replacing it with healthier food. For now, I know I am guaranteed to lose weight with just not consuming the ridiculous amount of food I am capable of eating.

So far it's truly been harder than I expected. I am very much an addict in every way Crystal is. The tricks my mind plays on me and the things I can get myself to do astound me. The physical hunger pangs while my stomach shrinks a bit are one thing and are totally expected. The mental anguish I feel is something else entirely. It almost made me cry to throw away some pizza slices that Crystal didn't want to save. I really mean it. Putting them down the garbage disposal was way harder than it had to be.

I don't really get it. I've been on diets that have lasted longer than this before, until I finally broke, but I don't remember the addiction being so strong. I can't help but think it has to do with my current stress level and how shitty my life has been. I've turned to food to comfort me a lot more lately, which I guess is only natural for a fat dude, so that has to be it. Ugh.

I know I can break myself of this, it's just much harder than I thought it was going to be going in. I decided that I'm going to do a weekly post with my weight and body fat to track how I'm doing. If I share with blogpeoples, it will give me another reason to try and succeed.

2009-09-15T18:48:00.002-05:00

My wife just left for rehab.

That's pretty hard to write, not the least because I'm still sobbing. Evelyn is too.

Crystal has been addicted to Vicodin for about a year, now. She got on them when she had extreme back pain while she was pregnant, and it just kind of went from there. She took them all the way through the pregnancy, since every doctor we talked to assured us that Vicodin would not harm the baby.

After Oliver was born, the addiction kept growing. I have to admit that I've been an enabler, going to the ER, urgent care, and regular doctors, faking back pain and headaches in order to get her more pills. Even when I had a legitimate problem I gave most of them to her, and kept asking for refills.

A few weeks ago I told her I wasn't going to help her get any more pills. She is perfectly fine while on them, but when she's off them and needs to find more, she turns into a horrible person. I guess it's not much of a surprise, considering she's the same as any other addict. I just couldn't take the down times anymore, the constant stress and anger coming from her.

This is her second full day off of the pills, and the withdrawal, combined with her still-ongoing and horrible PPD and regular depression, finally made her decide to seek treatment. She said she wants to be a better mother to our kids, and I think this is the best way to do it. She's "tried" to get off of the pills by herself before, but it never works. Does it ever work if an addict goes cold turkey on their own? I'm sure it has to sometime, just not in this instance.

I think she'll be gone for a few days. She's packed a couple bags, and her mom is driving her up there. She has to get checked out in the ER first and be medically cleared, then she's off to the rehab clinic where they're holding a bed for her. She's not going to get to see the kids for the entire time she's there, which is killing her. I think I can go and visit her, but the kids have to stay.

It's going to be extremely hard, but I think in the end this is the best thing that could have happened.

Om nom nom.

2009-09-12T09:53:00.002-05:00

Oliver had his first "real" baby food last night. By which I mean the Gerber canned variety. He ate almost half a jar of pears in one go.

I just got done feeding him his breakfast now, and he ate a whole bowl of pears, rice cereal, and formula mixed together. At this rate he's not even going to be able to fit into his sister's diapers.

Speaking of which, that little jerk knows what's she's doing when she shits her pants. She doesn't tell us when she does and tries to hide when we tell her to get on the bed to get changed. She has used her potty many times, and wakes up with a dry diaper in the morning. She is just refusing to use it! If I didn't know any better I'd say it's out of spite. Make her Mommy and Daddy spend an extra $50 a month to keep her in diapers. Bah. Bah, I say.

And so the betoothening begins.

2009-09-11T08:32:00.002-05:00

Crystal noticed yesterday that Oliver's first two bottom teeth have started to show. I'm both very excited and very apprehensive about this. We know how bad he was before when the teeth were still down in his gum, what's he going to be like now that they're actually trying to break out?

Better make sure we have plenty of iced chewies available...

I think I like it better when she still said "hampire."

2009-09-10T16:39:00.003-05:00

I love being a father. I truly, truly do. I know lately I've been making a lot of comments, both on here and on Facebook and Twitter, about how I'm so stressed out and my kids are bad, etc, etc. While that's true, sometimes, I have to say that for the most part I couldn't really have asked for better kids.

Evelyn is hilarious in almost every way, even if she still has a tantrum or two a day (she's only almost three, so we have to give her some credit). Some of the things she comes up with boggle my mind. "Where did she learn that?" is a common phrase my wife and I share. I'm sure most of it comes from TV and movies, since I don't really regulate what my daughter watches. Sure, her TV is usually turned to Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network. or PBS, but Crystal and I don't change what we're watching on our TV or computer, so she frequently comes out to play with us and gets sucked in to what we're watching.

I guess that's not completely true. If it's something extremely violent or there's a sex scene, we will change it or turn it off. I don't want her to be totally sheltered, but neither do I want her to be some sort of toddler pervert hacking someone's head off.

Last night I was watching Fringe, and it was episode with the genetically altered creature that was attacking people and "impregnating" them with its stinger. In the scene where Charlie is on the table with his shirt off and they are examining him, Evelyn said "Oh no! That pretty man is hurt! The doctors going to make him all better?"

Excuse me? Man with a shirt off is now a "pretty man?" Just what the hell is Crystal letting you watch, or what is she teaching you, when I'm at work? Did she actually determine that he is in good physical condition and is indeed a pretty man, or is just the fact that his shirt is off?

She told Crystal the other night that she was going to kick her ass because Crystal was touching her hair. When we said "Excuse me? What did you just say?" she immediately clutched on to Crystal and said "I'm very sorry Mommy!"

Not only did she know she said something inappropriate, she knew how to suck up to try and get out of trouble. She's a damn evil genius. I already know there's no hope for me, because she's going to learn how to pull my strings as soon as she possibly can. I'm going to be the biggest sucker Dad the world has ever seen. The only good thing is that I don't have any credit and I doubt I'll be making any more money by the time she's a teenager, so it simply won't be possible for me to spoil her as bad as she's going to want it. I suppose, though, that I should attempt to actually raise her right instead of having to put up with it. But that's no fun!

As far as the other spawnling goes, Oliver has finally come into his own a little bit. He's no longer the screaming ball of intensity that he was for the first few months. Now he's mostly happy and friendly unless there is something that he wants. He will always let you know when he's hungry or needs his diaper changed, and you can always tell when he's sleepy because he can't keep from rubbing his eyes (and the skin around them turns red pretty quickly when it's time for him to sleep), so he makes plenty of noise then, but the rest of the time he's pretty good. Finally.

He's started laughing and giggling, and sometimes it seems he will talk to himself for hours. Just random bursts of squeaks and babbles. He's also discovered his feet, and loves to roll around on his back while grabbing his toes. I told him to save that for his audition tapes down the road in case he needs money.

Yesterday he was on the floor, rolling from his back to his stomach and then back again, when he farted really loud. He immediately stopped and opened his eyes very wide, and then he let out this burst of laughter. It was the first time I ever noticed him realizing he could fart.

As for him playing around on the floor, I predict that he'll be crawling within a month or so. He can get up on his arms, and up on his knees, he's just trying to figure out how to do both at the same time.

The shame!

2009-09-03T15:53:00.001-05:00

I haven't written anything here in much, much too long. I apologize, Mr. Internet. I'm sorry. I'm finding it difficult to make the time or energy to even clean the house or stay in a good mood, so stuff like this has taken a backseat.

I promise that once I'm feeling less stressed and we're more on track I'll find the time to write on here.

Otherwise I did make a Twitter account today, because I hate myself and finally couldn't stay away.

The Evelynion Collection

2009-08-05T20:17:00.004-05:00

It's been a while since I've posted, but I'm still dealing with a lot of stress at home and at work, so I haven't had the energy to write anything productive. My apologies!

While this may not really be classified as "productive," it certainly is very entertaining. To me, anyway. I've taken many videos of my daughter Evelyn as she's gotten older, in an attempt to capture some of the craziness that she's known for (both in real life and now online). I've posted them all to YouTube, because I'm full of parental ego and I love showing her off. Hence, this post. Actually, it's mostly an attempt to get them all somewhere I can watch them again easily, because I honestly can't get enough of my insane daughter. I did post these on Facebook earlier today, but they don't let you embed them in a note, and I really wanted the embedded player.

These go in age, from when she was pretty tiny to just last night.

Breathe Through It

2009-07-23T12:41:00.002-05:00

It's been longer than I wanted since my last post, but I just couldn't find the energy in me to write anything down. We've been so completely stressed out and exhausted lately that I barely have enough energy to watch TV at night.

I might write more tonight when I'm off work, if I can find a little peace. Might even get around to working on the layout again too, but that might be promising too much.

Under Construction

2009-07-09T13:52:00.001-05:00

Please disregard the wonkyness of the blog today. Was trying out some new layouts and editing them a bit, but ran out of time. I'll fix everything up later tonight when I have a moment.

It just keeps tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling down.

2009-07-08T14:28:00.003-05:00

This is really starting to be the worst week ever. My wife and I have come to the conclusion that we can't afford to continue to live where we are now. I do not make enough money to support us, and she can't find a job. We're always behind on our rent and our bills, and my apartment doesn't fuck around when it comes to late rent. For the past three months we've had letters threatening eviction if we can't come up with the rent, and somehow we've begged or borrowed enough from friends, family, or the state to continue to live at our apartment. I think this time is the end. I don't know if we can make it this month. We need $500.00 by tomorrow night and they won't file for eviction. We have $15.00 to our name. We don't see any choice but to try and find somewhere more affordable.

I'm so stressed out I can barely think. I'm at the point where everything seems so overwhelming and scary that I can't even begin to know where to start and how to get out of this mess, short of buying a bunch of lottery tickets and praying to whatever cosmic force wants to listen.

I feel like a failure of the grandest sort.

Is this movie really necessary?

2009-07-07T12:50:00.002-05:00

Who decided to greenlight a MacGruber movie?

The only reason the sketches are even marginally funny is because they only last about thirty seconds. What moron thought it would be possible to stretch it out to a feature-length film?

I'm betting this will be even worse than The Brothers Solomon, and that's saying something. I'm beginning to get the impression that Will Forte is not exactly movie material. His style of comedy seems better suited to sketches.

If MacGruber blows as much as I'm imagining it's going to, you're not going to have a great track record there, Will.

Update to Doggygate

2009-07-07T11:55:00.000-05:00

I called the Burnsville PD and they confirmed that they were out there for a barking dog complaint. Super duper! Apparently they are going to call me back at some point today and "discuss it." That sounds lovely.

The apartment complex called about it in the meantime, too. I am pretty sure they hate us, and I know our neighbors hate us. I have a feeling we won't be asked to sign a lease again next year.

Bah.

Great...just great.

2009-07-07T07:48:00.003-05:00

We spent most of last night at my mother-in-law's, washing clothes. Not drying them, because her dryer sucks, but at least this way we save half the money it would cost us to both wash and dry at our apartment. It's $2.90 to wash and dry a load of clothes. So with two adults and two children, both of them prone to making giant messes, we spend a lot of money on just laundry.

When we got back to our apartment, about 10:15, there was a card from the Burnsville PD in our door. Um, shit. Crystal was being paranoid and thinking it was someone coming to serve her court papers or arrest her for some random bench warrant she didn't know she had, probably stemming from some back bills she didn't pay. I don't think she was seriously worried about this, but when her mind is flying it goes anywhere it wants. Anyway, if anyone was going to go to jail for back bills or missed court dates, it would be me; my credit is far worse and much more of a minefield.

I'm assuming the police were really there because of Sparrow, our dog. Someone probably called in a noise complaint, because she barks nonstop. She is a dachshund, a notoriously pushy and territorial breed, and she has never gotten used to living in an apartment. She barks at everything. What makes it worse is that we are directly above the garage, and right next to one of the main exits of the building. We have noise coming from everywhere, and Sparrow has to bark at all of it. When we're there it's not so bad, as we can discipline her and spray her with water. If I even stand up like I'm coming over to her she runs and hides under a table. If we're gone, however, she barks and barks. We've been using a technique that seems to work on her, where we turn off all the lights, shut the windows, and crank the air conditioning really low, so she kind of cocoons herself in some blankets and doesn't make any noise at all. That works for us too, since we love having the air on, even if it's fucking expensive to run it all the time. I'm fat, give me my air conditioning, it's worth it!

We even have a shocking bark collar for her that we tried to use, unsuccessfully. It worked really well for about a month, and then she decided that she was too fucking stubborn and was going to bark through the pain. She will bark and bark and bark with it on, to the point where she has oozing wounds on her neck that have to be just horribly painful, yet she won't stop. Needless to say, we don't use that collar anymore. Ugh.

It's to the point now where we are going to have to muzzle her. If we're getting complaints called to the police, there is really no other choice. We're not going to get rid of her, that's not an option. As much as she drives me crazy on a regular basis, I do love her, and Crystal would rather move out and find a new place than give up her dog.

God dammit Sparrow, you inbred retard.

Independence

2009-07-04T07:46:00.001-05:00

Happy Independence Day! In celebration, I'm going to watch Serenity. It kind of fits, right?

Dead or Alive

2009-07-02T11:59:00.002-05:00

I just got a new claim for a Wesley Gibson.

I hope he doesn't curve some bullets at me if I deny him coverage for some reason.

You're fucking dirt, anyway.

2009-07-02T10:51:00.000-05:00

I won the EEs today! That's my second win of all time, which is pretty sweet. This week's win is all thanks to my daughter Evelyn and her foul mouth. I love this kid to death, and now that she's winning me DVDs, I'm afraid I might start encouraging her antics.

I know I'm going to get called to the school a lot already, just because I know how her mother was (and still is) and she's pretty much just a tiny version of Crystal. I might as well make it funny too, right?

What. The. Fuck.

2009-07-01T15:45:00.000-05:00

I have never seen Machine Girl or Tokyo Gore Police, though I have seen clips and trailers for both online. Now I'm really regretting not seeing them when I had the chance. Not that they'd be particularly hard to find if I put my mind to it...

Anyway, this is the new trailer for RoboGeisha. Apparently it is about some robotic geishas with some serious weaponry, or possibly about geisha suits that little ninjas hide inside of. I'm not really sure.

It has buildings that bleed!

Fish NOW!

2009-07-01T09:08:00.000-05:00

I am hopelessly addicted to Fish Wrangler!, an app on Facebook. That is all.

Is it Monday already?

2009-06-29T10:11:00.000-05:00

This weekend went too fast.

Most weekends go pretty quickly, I guess. It's the nature of the weekend. They're breaks that feel even more fleeting simply because we don't want them to end. We're hanging on with our fingernails, straining to keep Monday at bay.

Unfortunately, it never works, and I always end up staying up way too late on Sunday night, trying to ignore the fact that I have to get up for work in six hours...then five hours...then four hours. I do it to myself every time. Last night I had even more incentive, as it was the only quiet time I had to myself. My son Oliver had kind of a rough day, where he didn't do much napping at all, but then was so overtired at night that he just wouldn't fall asleep. Eventually we got him down, but it was an hours-long job with a lot of screaming.

At least it's a short week. I don't recall this ever happening before, but my company has decided that we should be granted Friday off, seeing as how it's the day before the 4th. They are not usually in the business of giving us strange holidays, so I am definitely not taking it for granted. It will be nice to get out of here early, I know it's going to be an annoying week, with lots of busywork. We don't even have anything planned yet for the 4th, but I'm sure we'll come up with something.

I'm also leaving early tomorrow to take Crystal to the dentist, where she has an appointment to have a tooth pulled. She had a root canal done on it a few months ago but it cracked in half, so now she has this pointy shard in her mouth that keeps cutting the side of her tongue. Lovely. It's about time to just get that thing removed. Unfortunately I'm not just taking the time off; I have to make it up by staying late or coming in early on other days. I've used too much PTO lately, I can't really afford to use up any more.

Going, going, gone?

2009-06-26T14:36:00.000-05:00

Lately my wife and I have been considering moving and starting over in a new city somewhere. Despite this being perhaps the worst time in recent memory for a person to up and quit their job, trek across country, and attempt to make it somewhere else, the thought has grown much more appealing.

We both have a love/hate relationship with our families. I can't stand my mom, most of the time. What's the old adage? "I love you, but I fucking hate you?" Yeah, that's the one. She's my mom, so I will always love her, in the way that sons are supposed to love their mothers, but in no way do we get along or see eye-to-eye on anything. It's become even more apparent since I've grown up and started a family of my own. We are too different and don't know how to deal with the other's opinions. She's very judgmental, and uses the line (helpfully shared by my aunt) "It's only an opinion until the other person thinks they're being judged." Yeah right, mom; own the fuck up and admit you have something to say without hiding behind your clever colloquialisms.

Crystal has problems with her family as well, but I won't get into those, as I really don't think it's my place. Different problems, but we're both fed up and feel like a move would be a nice change of pace.

We've pretty much decided that the only places we'd want to move would be to New Orleans (Crystal loves the idea of New Orleans, and I think we could be happy there if we found good enough jobs and a stable living arrangement) or out east, to the Boston area or around there. She used to live in Beverly so she knows her way around.

Personally I would love to move out West too, maybe to Oregon or Washington, but I'm a mountain person, and she is not. She is quite literally scared of "were-billies" living in the mountains, waiting to kill her, rape her, and eat her (not necessarily in that order). I think she's seen Wrong Turn a few too many times, myself. I love the mountains, and would even enjoy living in Montana or Colorado. Or New Mexico, if we're near the mountains.

The problem, of course, is finding jobs and a place to live before we move. We're not idealists by any stretch, and it would be the height of idiocy to take a family of four and move somewhere random without any means of supporting ourselves.

So...anyone know of any job openings?